The Flaw in Seeking Consent

There was a video posted on Whatsapp that gave a detailed explanation to what consent meant.
It likened consent to Tea: making and offering tea.
The 'illustrator" explained that consent is offering to make tea for someone; its seeking permission before going to make the tea, it is asking if he or she would like a cup of tea. Consent demands a reply. Silence is not a go ahead to make that tea and it is outright Rude to still go ahead in making the tea if the person refuses.

What if the person says Yes to tea and when you are done making it, this fellow decides he doesn't want tea anymore? Well, your bad. You can't force this person to have tea.

Even if this person was half way into drinking your tea and he decides to stop before its finished? Let the person be. You can't force the person to finish.

What if the person is sleeping, unconscious or drunk? Well, you still can't force the tea down the person's throat. You'll have to wait.

That's Seeking Consent in a nutshell.


The world is changing. Women have more of a voice now and the world is uniting in fighting violence against women of any sort with rape being at the centre of it.
This is what makes seeking consent such an important matter. In this time, one of the worst tags to have as a man is to be branded a Rapist. It's one of the most socially demeaning tags there is.

This article doesn't have it's gist on consent but the flaw to it. The very 'Big But' to seeking consent. Are you ready to know what the big but is?
Well let's begin.
The first flaw to it is that women don't want consent, they want discretion.
I remember the time i was about having the third kiss of my life. Having that kiss was pretty important to me for reasons you don't need to know. I had to make the kiss perfect, i had googled day and night how to kiss perfectly and boy, was i ready for that moment.
You know what they say about over anticipation right? I blew the kiss even before it started.
How? I sought consent. I asked her, can i kiss you?
With disappointment glaring on her face, she told me i didn't have to ask.
In her words, asking ruins it completely. Instead, use your sense to know when the mood is right and move with the flow.

Growing up and till this point, this rule hasn't changed for women, they will always choose discretion over permission.
To add more concrete to my point, i know a girlfriend who told me that she had two types of 'stop' whenever i made any sexual advance. There's a real 'Stop' and the other meant the very opposite,  and insisted that i must learn how to identify both( discretion)

The second flaw is a weird one. It is some women just like it rough.
By Rough, i mean really really rough.
I mean spank and fight me rough.
Chase me around the room and hold me down rough.
That is their high. If not that, it's just boring sex.
Take it from me Women like that do exist. I know because... Let's just end it there .

For those women, there's no such thing as consent.
How do you even start?
Think about it?
"Hey, can i force you down while you struggle with all the strength to break free and then ram into you with your clothes torn till you moan out of satisfaction?"
How's that for consent? Super weird isn't it?

Well, to conclude
I know a few people would argue that talking about sex before sex happens ruins the surprise or just builds unwarranted expectations, but, I'll say its a necessity now that we live in such litigious societies.
In other words, ask ur partner
What and how she likes it
Before you even think of starting it.

And lastly, pay attention to her body cues. It never lies. Her words may lie, but her body language won't.
If you don't understand or know what i mean by body cues, well. You have to wait till that article is ready.