Crossing Lines

It took me 2 weeks to notice him. I was in the 2nd week of my Internal medicine posting when i first saw him. I know this makes me sound like a puppy from a mills and boon novel but he really was a sight to behold. The navy blue sleeved shirt did very little to conceal his broad shoulders and muscled arms. His trousers were ironed so much that the lines stood out like a red weal on a pale skin. He had big, bulging eyes which were a little creepy but i still liked how sharply the side of his face joined his chin. He had very little face hair going on but it was finely carved. Something like Banky W's. I wasn't close enough to see the colour of his eyes but i noticed his lips. They were full and i tried desperately not to think of how soft they would feel. I failed.
    My eyes followed him all the way to his seat, hoping that he won't catch me staring. Just before the morning review started, he caught my eyes and  for whatever stubborn reason, i refused to be stared down. There was a tinge of amusement in his eyes as he held my gaze. After a couple seconds, he dropped his eyes. I smiled to myself; Tricia-1; Cute, scary doctor-0.

 
   For most of the week, i saw very little of my mysterious crush. I nicknamed him Dr. Mystik although i gathered that his name was Dr. Clover. Henry Clover. He is the chief registrar and in Neurology unit. Unfortunately, i was stuck in Nephrology. How the hell was Dr. Mystik supposed to notice me if he never even got the chance to see me. It was a depressing thought.

   On Wednesday, i caught a glimpse of him during ward round. He wasn't yelling but he looked pretty upset about something as he talked to the house officer. Seeing him upset was such a turn-on. It made me think of Christian mad at Miss Steele and what fire it always created in the bedroom. I felt a tingling sensation down there; my inner goddess was rousing and i knew without doubt that i had to shift my thoughts to other things. Coming back to this world, i noticed everybody staring at me. I stared back and raised my eyebrows as in to ask why they were staring. It wasn't until the consultant asked, "are you here at all or did you leave your brain at home?" that i realized he must have said something to me in my period of lustful fantasy. Blushing, i faced the ground and muttered an apology. The consultant went on a rant and just before we left the ward, i dared a glance at Mystik and there he was, laughing at my embarassment. I hated him almost instantly.

 It was 1:13am on Friday I had just left the seminar room, sick of reading. I was wandering through the ward when i came across a room with its door ajar. I wandered in just out curiosity, looking over my shoulder to be sure no one was coming. The room was dark, the only source of light being the backlight of the laptop. I peered over it and got lost in the world of Ancient Egypt so much so that i didn't hear him come in.
 "Your legs look beautiful when you bend over like that."
Startled, i turned around and pushed down a bunch of keys.
"I.. a..m so sorry sir", i stammered in response.
  "Pick up the keys, Patricia."
I looked down at the ground and saw the bunch of keys sprawled over the tiled floor. As i bent down, i couldn't help but notice that he hadn't stopped staring at me. His expression was so stern, it terrified me to think about my punishment.
  "You have a great ass, you know that?"
  Whilst my inner goddess was doing hand stands and backflips in excitement, the physical me remained helplessly tongue tied.
 He locked the door and walked towards me but even as sensibility told me to flee, i stood there as one whose feet were glued to the floor.
  He put his right hand on the nape of my neck and then ran his left thumb over my lower lip.
 "I have wanted to do this for a long time, Patricia, he whispered into my ear. Can i?"
 Since speech was yet to return to me, i nodded in affirmation. Then his lips met mine. They were as soft as i had imagined. It tasted like orange flavour with a tinge of tobacco. Don't ask me why i know how tobacco tastes. As the kiss deepened, i placed my hands over his arms to steady myself.

I moved my hands upward and just as i wrapped them around his neck, he broke the kiss. He kept his eyes on mine, his lips still very close to mine so much so that i could feel his breathe on my face. I smiled and looked down; he held my chin and lifted it up till my eyes met his again. I liked this moment we were having, but my inner goddess was dying of anticipation and didn't seem to agree with this break in transmission.
"Patricia, he began as he broke our moment, are you sure?"
I nodded and before my tongue could loosen enough to agree, his lips were on mine again. Our lips still together i find my way to his shirt button. Luckily for me or us both, he's wearing a clip on shirt. With a little effort, his bare chest presents itself to my awed spectation.
He smiles in response to my reaction. I run my hands around his chest, leaving trails of kisses behind. His expression freezes when i kiss his nipples.
"Sensitive much?", i tease.
Holding my chin in his hands, he lifts my eyes to his, "are you smirking at me Patricia?"
There is a dark gleam in his eyes and i couldn't decide if i should be aroused, scared or both. I didn't get to find out cos just about then, we heard a nurse shout for Dr. Henry being needed at the ER. He looked at me and said, "to be continued" before stepping out of the room.
I dont know how long it took before i left but between waiting to recover myself and to make sure the ward was relatively empty, i think it was quite a while.


Saturday passed by in a blur with me alternating between fantasizing about Mystik and catching up on sleep. I didnt get a clear head until about Sunday morning. Having spent most of the weekend @ the hostel, it made a lot of sense to just wander into the chapel located @ the hospital. Which i did.
I didn't pay much attention during the service but i got more than i bargained for when i saw Dr. Henry. My heart beat appeared to quicken but it dropped when i saw that he wasn't alone. He was holding her hand, whispering something in her ear as they laughed quietly together. I spent the rest of the service staring at them. They couldn't seem to stay away from each other. Not for long anyway. I knew somehow that i had no right to this feeling but i couldn't help it. I felt hurt and it was such a rotten feeling. When it ended, i slipped out before anyone could see me. As for the rest of the day, i spent it trying to get over him.

Monday wasn't much better. It's hard to face ward rounds, questions and people with a broken heart. I kept my head down throughout the morning review. I was in no mood for our staring down game. Bad as my luck was i ran into his entree as our Senior reg led the ward round. I chanced a glance at him and he caught my eyes. He raised his eyebrow as in to ask what was wrong. I couldn't reply. Didn't want to anyway. So i just looked down and counted the number of grey tiles.

We met again but only because this time he had sent for me. I wanted to ignore the message but i didn't want to push my luck. He was afterall my chief and medical people tended to take respect a little too far. And so i went to his office. I knocked briefly before pushing the door open.
"Patricia?"
"Good evening sir", i muttered.
"You were at the chapel yesterday weren't you? Is that the explanation for today?"
I couldn't bring myself to answer because i didn't trust my emotions. One word of affirmation and the tears will burst out of me like a broken dam.
He got up and walked towards me.

"Don't!" i whispered.
"Please. Let me."

With every step he took towards me, i took one backwards until i hit my back against the door. He held my shoulders and then spoke to me.

"What did you expect Patricia?"

I didn't have an answer to that. In truth, i kinda knew he wasn't single. But i guess what hurt was seeing how he was with her. He loved her. What was then left for me?

"That was why i asked that day. I wanted to be sure you knew what you were getting into.
I swear hurting you was never part of the plan. In honesty, it kinda stung today when you wouldn't look at me."
I stiffled a laugh. "That's a lie."
"I'll take a lie detector test right now if you want."
"Yeah right!", i replied rolling my eyes.

The silence that followed wasn't so awkward. His hands slid off my shoulders slowly till he was holding mine in his. He ran his thumb over the dorsum of hand. It was infuriating how my damn body reacted to something so trivial. I should have stopped him right there. But even though i knew he wasn't mine to keep i just didn't know how to let him go. I didn't want our story to be over just yet.

"Patricia?"
"Hmmm?"
"Can i kiss you?"
"Please", i whispered.